Passing For Normal

Not you, of course.

It's what I wish I could say to two friends, both of whom routinely ignore rules (and even a fair number of laws -- mostly to do with driving) that they find inconvenient.

What do you do when a friend blithely tells you they're planning to do something unethical?

I am deeply troubled by this at the moment. This person is one of my closest friends, and I was appalled to hear that she was planning to do something that, if discovered, would cause her to be banned for life from competition in something that, while many people would consider it a frivolous hobby, is extremely important to her personally.

There's no reason she'd get caught. No one would be directly harmed. She wouldn't have an advantage over others; she'd merely be competing under conditions that are not allowed under the rules. "It's not like other people aren't doing it, so why shouldn't I?" she asked me, in all seriousness.

Because it's unethical. It's cheating. It's wrong. Why is this not enough?

What do you say to someone like this?

As it happens, I accidentally, in complete ignorance of the scheme, made it impossible for her to do this thing. It would have required certain things to be kept secret, and, having no idea that there was any reason not to talk about these things with mutual acquaintances, I did so. The information is out there; the ethical violation is no longer an option. And I am very glad.

But I'm still terribly distressed that she had planned to do this. I love this person a lot; she's one of my nearest and dearest. And hearing about all of this has made my heart hurt. I don't know what to do with it.