Passing For Normal

It's a two-parter again today. But they're related. In my head, anyway.

Good Thing: As of about two weeks ago, I have a brand new CPAP machine. The financial cost was kind of staggering, totaling about $1000 out of pocket after Medicare did their thing, 2/3 of it for two nights in the sleep lab. But I am beyond fed up with being exhausted and brain-bleary all the time, unable to sit on the couch and read or watch TV without automatically dozing off, and feeling brain-dim most of the time even when I am ostensibly awake.

So I asked for the sleep study, got it, and got the machine, a Philips Respironics REMstar something-or-other. The facial apparatus is of the "nasal pillow" sort, a minimalist thing with two little bits that go up inside the nostrils a short distance and two inoffensive little strappy things to hold it in place. The long, floppy hose is still long and floppy, but hey, some things just are what they are, so you make do. I call it my elephant trunk, and it and the machine and I are building a lasting friendship.

I have used it all night every night since I brought it home. Falling asleep is still challenging sometimes, but at least this particular equipment configuration lets me wear my glasses and read myself to sleep, which is why I chose the nasal pillow dealie-bobber. I don't know how to fall asleep without the ability to read until I nod off.

I have hopes that it will make my life significantly less dysfunctional, which was becoming urgent. This year I mostly haven't felt like I had a life, except for maybe four or so mostly-awake hours from around 9pm to 1am. That is not a good way to live. It's only been a couple of weeks, but I'm already napping a good deal less. I'm investing a lot of hope in the CPAP continuing to make things better as I get more weeks and months of use under my belt.

So that's a big win. \o/

Segue: A few years ago, thefourthvine asked people to recommend music to her, and people had oodles of suggestions for her. I listened to many of them, pretty much whatever had a YouTube link, and fell hard for John Fullbright, as recommended by vickita. I immediately bought his live CD and his subsequent first studio CD -- which was nominated for a Grammy ("Americana" category) -- and have remained a huge fan.

This year he announced that he'd be releasing a new CD on May 27th. Cue much excitement and anticipation on my part. Follow that with news that my first sleep study is going to be on May 27th, and that night I absolutely must sleep, or a huge amount of money will be wasted and all hope will be lost. So on May 27th, I received my copy of John Fullbright's new Songs CD... and I didn't open it, and I didn't listen to it, and it was so hard to wait. But I knew that if I listened to it once, my music brain would get all turned on and jazzed up and I'd have to listen to it a second time and then a third, and after that I would have an incredibly hard time falling asleep. So I waited. And I slept that night (badly, but enough), and I got my okay to get the CPAP, and it was all worth it.

Which leads us to...

Happy Thing: It's a few months later now, and I can listen to the CD just once, or even just a few tracks. But I'm still just as much in love with Fullbright's songwriting -- this guy is a thinker, a craftsman; he works hard on his lyrics, and it shows -- and with his musicianship. And I'm incredibly excited that I'm going to get to see him live in late October, because he'll be opening for Patti Griffin just an hour's drive north of me. Usually anyone I want to see is a day's drive away, with overnight accommodations and travel expenses (and travel pain) and all of that making it a big challenge to get to concerts. But this time he's coming to me! \o/

Here's a marvelous recording done not long ago when he was touring in Europe. I think this was in northern England somewhere. No keyboards in this one, but he's playing guitar and damn, does he rock the harmonica. I love this kid, this brilliant young (young!) man. And this song and this video make me ridiculously happy. I hope it makes you smile, too.