posted by ![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
malnpudl at 01:34pm on 06/02/2015
malnpudl at 01:34pm on 06/02/2015Or at least I hope so.
It's probably not news to anyone reading this that I'm on permanent disability for refractory major depression. I have atypical responses to a lot of the meds, and the one that did work for me for many years finally stopped working a while back. Point being, I'm always struggling with it and looking for ways to manage it better and support my ability to function. I do take a tricyclic antidepressant, which helps a bit, and I'm on a maxed-out vitamin D supplement, and so on.
When I fail to reply to your comments or e-mail or fail to comment on your post, that's depression at work. It's one of my major indicators for how well (or poorly) I'm doing at any given time, since it's a sneaky disease and I'm often not aware of a major downturn unless I check the markers. And when I checked on this recently... yeah, not doing all that well at communicating. All righty, then.
Anyway, I made a (kind of terrifying) medical hardship withdrawal from my 401(k) at the end of last year to pay off my sleep study, CPAP, and septoplasty surgery expenses, and it turned out there was a bit left over. So I sprung for a SAD light therapy lamp, in hopes that it would help remediate my inevitable winter downturn.
My plan is to use it for 30 minutes first thing every morning while I have breakfast. Today was Day 1. Holy moly, it's bright! But I adjusted quickly and was able to read my Kindle, which was a relief. I'd been worried about that, because sitting in one place for half an hour with nothing to do... I would not do well at that. So I am hopeful that I'll be able to successfully integrate this into my daily routine. All digits crossed that it will, in fact, actually help.
And in the mean time, I apologize yet again (and again, and again) for being a lousy correspondent. It's one of the things I hate most about this damn disease. All of you matter to me a lot. Not only that, you're one of the best kinds of medicine for what ails me. It's poor thanks to fail to hold up my end of the interaction, and I have enormous guilt and regret over it. Anyway, I hope this may help with that, too.
It's probably not news to anyone reading this that I'm on permanent disability for refractory major depression. I have atypical responses to a lot of the meds, and the one that did work for me for many years finally stopped working a while back. Point being, I'm always struggling with it and looking for ways to manage it better and support my ability to function. I do take a tricyclic antidepressant, which helps a bit, and I'm on a maxed-out vitamin D supplement, and so on.
When I fail to reply to your comments or e-mail or fail to comment on your post, that's depression at work. It's one of my major indicators for how well (or poorly) I'm doing at any given time, since it's a sneaky disease and I'm often not aware of a major downturn unless I check the markers. And when I checked on this recently... yeah, not doing all that well at communicating. All righty, then.
Anyway, I made a (kind of terrifying) medical hardship withdrawal from my 401(k) at the end of last year to pay off my sleep study, CPAP, and septoplasty surgery expenses, and it turned out there was a bit left over. So I sprung for a SAD light therapy lamp, in hopes that it would help remediate my inevitable winter downturn.
My plan is to use it for 30 minutes first thing every morning while I have breakfast. Today was Day 1. Holy moly, it's bright! But I adjusted quickly and was able to read my Kindle, which was a relief. I'd been worried about that, because sitting in one place for half an hour with nothing to do... I would not do well at that. So I am hopeful that I'll be able to successfully integrate this into my daily routine. All digits crossed that it will, in fact, actually help.
And in the mean time, I apologize yet again (and again, and again) for being a lousy correspondent. It's one of the things I hate most about this damn disease. All of you matter to me a lot. Not only that, you're one of the best kinds of medicine for what ails me. It's poor thanks to fail to hold up my end of the interaction, and I have enormous guilt and regret over it. Anyway, I hope this may help with that, too.
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Anyway, I hope the light therapy helps! And we are always here for you when you feel up to it.
♥
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All I can say is that when I need the light, I can stare at it with no problems. When I don't need it, it hurts my eyes. My co-worker and my boss HATE it, because it's to strong for them.
It won't cure your depression, but it will ease it down a bit. Living in Wisconsin, that's a huge plus. I keep one on my desk at work, and the other at my bedside. When my alarm goes off (Early), I roll over and turn the bastard on. Combined with my meds, it helps.
Just give it time. It's not an off or on thing, it's cumulative. In a month or so you'll know if it's working.
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Oh, that's fascinating. Huh. Bodies are wise, sometimes.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience with it. That's tremendously helpful. :-)
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It makes sense, really, that the quality of light should make such a difference. Even in folks not dealing with depression a dull grey day tends to make us slow and not want to do much. At least it's that way for me. Hard to get out of bed in the morning when it's gloomy. Bright, shiny daylight makes all the difference!
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And *hugs*; lately I have been feeling guilty and regretful about not having the energy to participate in my online interactions as much as I would like to (and as much as my friends deserve). And lots of people have reassured me that they are still here and they understand, and I am sure that is the case for you too, whenever it's hard to make communication happen.
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We are so lucky to have all these people in our virtual lives, aren't we? :-)
one poor correspondent
Re: one poor correspondent