Passing For Normal

So, I've had this problem before. Somewhat ironically, it happened to me with Wellbutrin.

I was in the middle of my "lost year", and I started seeing a new psychiatrist. The Zoloft I'd been taking until that point wasn't working anymore, and so we tried something new, the Wellbutrin (whcih at that point wasn't a generic, iirc). I hated it. First I felt like I had a caffeine IV in me for a week. Then that wore off, but I couldn't write a word. I felt like my words, my stories, were trapped behind a glass wall in my mind. I could see them, I could almost read them, but I couldn't get to them.

I hated this so badly I took myself off the Wellbutrin. Writing, at that point, was the only coping mechanism I had. I wasn't in school, I wasn't working, I wasn't really doing anything except writing, and without that, I had nothing. My psychiatrist at the time wasn't helpful; she said "But you're not as depressed!" I said "But I CAN'T WRITE". She said "But it's helping your depression!" I said "BUT I CAN"T WRITE" and stopped taking it.

What eventually saved me was a combination of things, but these days I have more luck with mood stabilizers and atypical antipsychotics than with anti-depressants. I do take all three; I take lamotrigine (mood stabilizer), risperidone (atypical antipyschotic) and venlafaxine (SNRI, or something like that). I have no idea what your meds history is, what you have or haven't tried, but perhaps something like lamotrigine could work for you? My problems are more with anxiety than with depression, although they both get me if I'm not careful. I'm more aware of the anxiety, which means the depression sneaks up on me and I don't always realize it's there. But as soon as I stop being able to write, I know something's out of whack.

I wish you luck; I really, really do. I've also done a meds merry-go-round and tried just about everything, which leaves me nervous for if/when my current cocktail stops working. So if you want to talk, let me know. I hop this helps at least a little, at least to let you know you're not alone.